Thinking about myself

As the year ended I thought about my past life.
Was it really worth so much trouble, pain, strife?
Answers didn't come to me as fast as I had hoped.
So I sat for a while thinking as my mind moped.
My long struggle for happiness left me tired out.
I had not moved yet. My heart wanted to shout.
There seems to be a great wall separating me,
From the things that I want my life's reward to be.
At times I feel as if I am being slowly murdered,
Through some ordeal which the devil had ordered.
I only wish that I could hear those magical words.
Spoken out loud finally through those lips of hers.
Some people think I am blinded by this inner need.
Yet I am not sure. Where does the right path lead?
Do I need to finally reach out and grab my prize?
Or do I need to turn away, do my best to realize,
That my heart need not take such a pounding now?
I would like the answer to the question and the how.
But now is not yet the time for the final decision,
For that I will wait silent with painstaking precision.
I have survived in my crusade as long as till now.
I can survive still longer as my heart need not bow,
But to one master yet I can find for it still more.
And make one of them realize it's worth galore.
Too long have I left my heart trapped in solitude.
Awaiting for hers to finally unfreeze in her aptitude.
Only once my heart will finally turn another way,
Will she probably realize what she had till that day.
And though it may not be too late I fear it is close,
As I stand on the edge as a man who now knows,
His own worth is far greater than he wants to see,
Because her happiness is all the he will need to be.
That once accepted, loved, cherished and heeded.
He will protect, take care, provide all that's needed.
Knowing myself I reawaken to my life once more
Hoping that I may lead a happier one than before.